Our 21 year old This last spring I had a close brush with death myself, but here I am recovering well, but alone. No, just that I have to do it all over again tomorrow. I refuse to wallow in self pity. My husband died unexpectedly on 11/15/17, He was 51. Blessings to you…..hang in there….. Keep posting, take care and my thoughts are with you. I can’t think — I can hardly function. But, I was mistaken. You'll still be in shock and going through such a mix of emotions. People who have not gone through this don’t understand the immense loneliness, or the extreme sensitivity of the scars which remain. She went to hospice and improved, but not to what she had been and was sent home. We are business partners, parters in crime. Then tragically on the 20th July 2019 aged 61 the angels came and took her. It was the realization that there’s no “together” anymore. Thank you for sharing your story. com. I just really hope you find the support you need. Not expected that mom can leave forever in a moment. I have enough issues! He had cancer and I did a stem cell transplant for him but he died a month later. I find reading books a great help as it takes my mind off it albeit for a short time but find it does help. When I read your comments I felt I had to reach out. She was there for 3 months before being put in the care of Hospice. Life in the strange. I thought to myself, “I can’t wait to get home and tell him it’s finally out!”. It’s very hard to believe that it gets better at this point but it is better than where I was 3 weeks ago. The pain is not going away; we just have to learn to channel some of it in useful and productive directions. God bless you , all . I am still trying to survive Widow hood after 22 years. Eleanor Haley  September 19, 2019 at 2:16 pm Reply. Thank you for so beautifully voicing what I have been feeling the last couple of weeks. My daughter got married and moved to North Carolina last year. Losing your mother must have been absolutely devastating. We did errands, came home. This has been a traumatic journey with many pains & joys too.I Need support to move safely forwsrd. My mom was on her own for many years after my dad died when I was young, I’m 57 and I know she loved are relationship. And please believe me…I know what you’re going through. My dear husband died 9 months ago after a 2 month illness of mini strokes and then a full stroke, taking away his ability to speak for his last 2 months of life. This has helped so much. Some people cope, some people don't. I really enjoyed your article, Catherine. Then I am terrified that one day I will accidentally forget him. The first time it hit me was at a restaurant with friends and the waitress asked how many are on the ticket? What is even worse is people dismiss this type of loneliness, make it trivial, imply if I was “really open” I would find someone right away, obviously I am not happy enough being single so why would anyone want to be with me, blah blah blah. Interesting that I measure absolutely everything on weeks days passed since the horror of his sudden death. I’m lonely I miss sleeping with someone next to me I miss coming home from work and having a conversation about my day I miss all the stupid conversation I hate the idea that I’m left here and I have to sell my house packing it up cuz I can’t afford it on my own and I have to get a condo. We both know that he’s gone, but I’m filling him in anyway. Now I alone in a house that was a home and is now my own tomb. I’ve made my choice. I was looking on here for any ideas of how to survive and was about to sign out after not being able to relate to most of the stories but your tribute of your devoted love to your precious wife made me feel I am not alone I do not relate with other widows as they don't seem to be as devastated or understand the kind of love John and I shared. Rodis. He began to go downhill experiencing weakness and a loss of appetite. I pray he knows I was there for him but they were working on him. I came into this silent world of widowhood on January 17 2014. Then my father fought in the Korean War, during which time his younger brother, also serving nearby, was killed. It still does not seem real. He was in bad shape. I have no family now, and while I love my friends, they are not enough. Well – we did that a long time ago when we were young. My daughters say “move forward Dad” you have us and your grandchildren and they think my wifes family but the great divide came when she was ill and they knew it was terminal and at the end they left town like they were inconvenienced! Is always there probably in a more invisible manner and may not errupt every now and then. I feel this way. I did many things to try to feel fulfilled, a part of things! One walks around in a foggy state of mind/shock/ confusion ….legs feel so numb and heavy, you don’t know which way to turn, but muddle through day after day.. We are here whenever you need to talk. My best friend is now gone ahead. I was with him since I was 15. Then that Friday, didn’t it allow Ma to have a transient coronary blockage and thus allowed us to spend more 12 hours together in the emergency room? I feel like I don’t fit in anymore, I don’t have friends, my family was my life, my grown up children have moved on & are enjoying their lives, but I’m stuck in my grief and loneliness which seems endless. I am so lost, confused and empty. I go on from day to day, but I know that I will never have the true happiness that I had just being with him every day. I’m very sorry for your loss. Of all things I’ve read and seen, yours is the most understanding I’ve read. Seriously the most precise description of my life I have come across. My extreme loneliness has traumatized my soul! It scares me sometimes when I have no strength to get out of bed. I just know the time is not now. And how do you explain to your grown kids that are scattered across the country that you have no hope…and they say “but you have us”… but they have there own lives now and so staying alive for them, well it just doesn’t work. Sheila x, I am sorry to hear of your loss. There is no one to “really” confide in anymore. Widow hood to me feels like I lost half of me on that day. When he lay down, he again panicked and yelled he was falling. I was so calm and stable and clear headed at first. Im 31 , divorced , and caregave for all mentioned above . Am I alone for feeling like I’m in a deep state of darkness of sadness and loneliness? It is called disambiguous grief, as in grieving for something I have never had, even though I have always wanted a romantic life. It’s been 10 years my little girl has grown up. Melissa George  January 9, 2020 at 1:10 pm Reply. I know he is lonely and I pray everyday that he will come to us in his grief. I am lost. I thought I couldn’t go on without him, The grief was alful . I lost my beloved Mom suddenly on October 5, 2018. Watching his body looking like a holocaust victim. He was 50 years old, I, 49. This has touched my heart and soul.


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